noteworthy
-lyrics

LUST

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POISON I DRANK FROM
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vision

i went awalkin a ramblin dream
i came to a door in a wandering stream
it piled up the current, folding the waves
collecting in baskets the river i made

this is a vision of the things that i love
even in dreams i can’t get enough
where am i going and what do i have
what do i have to give up if i have to go back

you were a guide that i met on the way
kissing my mouth with the words of the saints
holding me up in the current at night
holding me up when i didn’t have the fight

we are the homeless, the makers of time
the lovers of being and the poets of lies
we live in our bodies and we sidestep the shore
walk into each other, the house of the lord

this is a vision of the things that i love
even in dreams i can’t get enough
where am i going and what do i have
what do i have to give up to get back

 

just acting

we met in a movie
we were pretending
all this time
not really

you were convincing
you even convinced me
all this time
just acting

you made a good call
kept it professional
all along
i could’ve sworn that you knew

then when the names roll
the audience goes home
and we’re alone

that’s when i realized
that i was in disguise
but you played along
and i could’ve sworn that you knew

we met in a movie
we were pretending
all this time
just acting

 

memphis

dahlia called up earlier
said she’d make me dinner
cause now you know you hold my interest
but i was stuck in headphones on a bus
knew you were playin rufus
starin gently out the window comin home

it’s a long way to memphis
and this car won’t get us close
but mostly i just want to spend some time with you
and we don’t have to talk
you can just sleep while i drive

last night we watched the rain fall
little rings of silver
later you drummed your fingers
dreaming of the rivers in france
and who you would end up with
but i got stoned and listened to the bends

it’s a long way to memphis
and this car won’t get us close
but mostly i just want to spend some time with you
and we don’t have to talk
you can just sleep while i drive

if you wake to find we’re broke
down in nowhere
turn it up and let the battery run low

 

gone in an hour

pushed aside the feeling and that was wrong
like if i moved i would improve all of these lonely songs
why do i get restless, feel like moving on
why do you ask me when i can’t give you an answer
i know it’s not my turn to be the victim
but really what does that mean

if you’re tired, don’t wait alone
i can be here all night
but if you’re tired, don’t lie alone
i can be gone in an hour

i got back from memphis with a white streak in my hair
you had the look of someone overlooking everything
god, i missed the weather, but i didn’t miss the waiting
and i didn’t miss the feeling like i’m overlooking everything
i know it’s not my turn to be the victim
i wish i knew what that means

if you’re tired, don’t wait alone
i can be here all night
but if you’re tired, don’t lie alone
i can be gone in an hour

 

pathless

over the canyon she’s high, waving her arms
a silhouette over the water
no one can claim her but someone still taught her to climb
somebody’s losing a daughter
oh sometimes a child wants to walk alone

pathless, waiting for the world
to explode or to turn, flood or to burn
that’s how it ends, how it begins
dyin to learn how to learn
it goes slow, slow, slow

this song goes out to my mom, worried i’m dead
hitchhiking out on the highway
callin her friends just to brag that her boy’s in a band
prayin a good girl will find me
but oh sometimes i just have to wander alone

we’re born
we live for show
to be shown
to begin
to begin again
we begin
pathless

 

love & success

twenty miles up vandeschere i’ll park
inside the grass and watch the hillside get dark
and rollin down my window I can feel
the wild underneath burying my wheels

and I guess I understand a little better now
how lovin you is drowning in a field
how I can break it down but I will never see out
of this mystery

so I left the hill for the orchards and the barn
I stood and listened to the pounding of their hearts
and I wondered if they thought about the day
what does it mean
what is this real estate sign that says for sale

and I guess I understand a little better now
how lovin you gets mixed up with success
i get so afraid of selling you my failure
i forget to give my best

but i will never know you

and i’m lying when i write this i don’t understand
and if i fall in love it won’t be like i planned
these aren’t my words
they’re not my notes
they’re not my songs
they’re not my hands

but i will never know you
until i understand that i will never know you

 

bridge

if i kiss your mouth
the bridge that we are making
love could walk across
a world we know is waking

all we know of ocean is a pail of water
hanging from a handle we hold
salt-water in a desert that we always wander
baby, baby, i thought you’d know

this of course won’t last
but stay just for the evening
years from now we’ll ask
was our love worth believing

listen, i get scared of what i can’t control
but i suppose that you already know
no one said you can’t do better on your own
but i’m afraid i don’t want you to go

so if i kiss your mouth
the dream we are unwaking
love could mend or cross
the hearts we might be breaking

 

bleeding

one more step and you’ll be dead
she sits down beside the ledge, overcoat over her legs
she holds a candle to her chest
and she would light it, but the satellites would see

why can’t i please everyone
and why am i always bleeding all over everyone
it’s harder to breathe when you speak for me

i wish just once i could be right, she said, but not about the suicides
or aliens, or violent dreams
i wish you knew i knew the truth, but this shit comes out
so different than the news

why can’t i please everyone
and why am i always bleeding all over everyone
it’s harder to breathe when everyone speaks for me

well i’m not tryin to ease your mind, when you leave tonight
be careful who you’re talking to and why
and don’t be different don’t be strange, don’t even speak if you make waves
we don’t need new ideas

if they don’t please everyone

 

nocturne

lady, left your lover in the rosebeds
dangling underneath the hanging vine
with his shirt unraveled and his hair down
dreaming of his lover at his side

lady, met your lover in the winter
watching other fireplaces burn
huddled there together while the wind turned
waiting for the season to turn

love is like a hornet, waiting underneath the snow
delicate and dangerous but slow enough to hold
it’s easier to handle when your hands are not so cold

she was just a baby when i found her
wandering the white december hills
whispering the cold would never leave her
whispering my fortune to me still

love is like a hornet, waiting underneath the snow
delicate and dangerous, but slow enough to hold
it’s easier to handle when your hands are not so cold
it’s easier to suddenly let go

 

everything’s fine

words come out
when the mood is right
there’s a broken room
from the mood last night
just like

you got turned
like the bedroom drawers
like a dance we learned
on a hardwood floor
just like everything’s fine

hate this hate
i would love my life
if the man I was
wasn’t someone I’m
just like

everything’s fine.

 

eulogy

goodbye brother david and goodbye my james-john
the poison that you drank from is blood that i belong to
and stars keep on exploding a million miles away
and bodies break and die and feed the living part of me

two northwest boys are born in riverbeds and tanglewood trees
summer jobs, pretty girls, and baseball, and evenings cheap
the older boy was born to play the music, born to really see
his brother listened to the pictures, and told me what they mean

and one by one we killed the new year, we drank the wine glass dry
fallin down, and tryin to get back on the ceiling,
where the world’s not black and white
yellin at the rainclouds that the earth is still as pretty as the sky
i don’t remember who was wrong, i can’t remember right

goodbye brother david and goodbye my james-john
the poison that you drank from is blood that i belong to
and stars keep on exploding a million miles away
and bodies break and die and heal the living part
of everyone i overlooked and everything i didn’t say

remember me

and every time i think i’m getting better, i’m slain

 

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BF & DAY OF LIONS SPLIT
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lillith

White star, black shall,
You’re looking out behind you.
The dogs are barking.  The dogs are barking.
Your baby dead and buried but it’s working out for good.

Crude oil, cold love,
You’re looking out behind you.
Their guns are drawn, Your guns are drawn.
You’re baby dead and buried but it’s working out for good.

This is it.
It’s all there is.
It’s all you know now and feel
It’s all you know now that’s real.

I told you not to go.  I told you not to go.
Your babies dead and buried but it’s working out for good.

This is it.
It’s all there is.
It’s all you know now and feel
It’s all you know now that’s real.

 

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LUST
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cold storage

We have one Turn and we're Safe.  Free from the Records of this Place.  Our Release.  Sleep.  Easy.  No 1s Leaving.  We'll be Skin to Skin.  We'll be Pages Closed.  We'll be Bodies Stretched on Boards of Oak.  We'll go Underground and Feel how far our Souls go.  But I would hope we remain So Close.  Don't Fuss.  We're still Here.  The Air chills.  But it's still There. 

ARE THEY ALL GONE?

o my god. are we leaving?  are we skin to skin are we pages closed are we bodies stretched on these boards of oak are we underground can we feel how far our souls go?  i would hope we remain.

 

lust

We live here in Portland, but it's London in your dreams.  Can't wear your crown. 
I swear we're supposed to break up, but we danced out all our seams.  Not coming down.

We drove out to the high plains: we were jet streams out of town.  This CLEAN LIFE I've found.
Late nights when the storm yells, she says "Earth Screams Out My Name.  And I'm So Full Of Love.
What Am I Made Of?"

Not Love, just Lust.

 

replace us

If it's a word, open your mouth and say it.
If it's a chance, leave it alone or take it.
If it's a gag, laugh at yourself and shake it.
And if it's a lie, admit it's a lie and change it.

We won't struggle to replace Us with Ourselves.
And we won't shut our mouths to Love.
But if Lies don't fuel our anger.
Then Love can have to place here.

If it's a drug, swallow it down, enjoy it.
If it's a loss, know that a loss is worth it.
If it's a choice, don't be afraid to choose wrong.
And if it's a phase, don't stay away for too long.

We won't struggle to replace Us with Ourselves.
And we won't shut our mouths to Love.
But if Lies don't fuel our anger.
Then Love can have to place here.

On this shell-worn shore [don't get SOFT
On me now] Cast my line out [I'll wait]
Toward the break [but you're wasting time]
Where the wake is daily torn
[Things change and so do we]
Can we mend this in the morning?

 

distance

I measure my distance with time: laid out.
I measure my distance with cash: laid out.

I would lay beside you but I'm not an investor
And this kissing religion is a violent bore.
Who will you next adore?

I measure my distance with arms.
I measure my resistance with arms: put them up.

Just don't forget how you see others in yourself
SO PUT EM UP
string them up

What's the use in reading if I'm only stealing sentience?
We heard the rich are burning nations black.
Who will you next attack?

So pretend all the stars we see are human beings.
And some god has our faces trained with laser beams.
If could meet you OUTSIDE I'd take you somewhere deep
Overseas.
Before the war brings worlds to dreams.

 

knives

She climbed up to that place and touched the ceiling of curved ice.
Said: "Is it worth scratching the sky?  Can I know what comes after time?"

All these Stones.  Smooth Round Cells.  Diamonds hidden in Eggshells
"I'VE GOT JOY INSIDE.  But it always subsides.  And I'm perpetually redefined."

"Or is it hate?"  Thick and Red.  Dark.  And Brooding.  And Cancerous.
"How do I get inside?"  She asked for my advice. 
But I sent knives.

"Found my Name.  Found my Soul.  Strings of Words that I don't know."
Crush these Bones.  Smooth the Skin.  OPEN THIS THING THAT I LIVE IN.

"How do I get inside?"  She asked for my advice. 
"A reasonable rationalization for staying alive."

It's alright.  It's alright.
If your soul is an advertisement
GET OUTSIDE.  It's alright.
We have universities that act like knives--
Cut and show you how we all get small and Go
Or just implode [if you're IN].

And if not, you get to watch yourself End.

 

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EACH OTHER
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rally

I WON’T LET YOU HURT THE IDEA.
I WON’T LET YOU STEAL ME.
THIS IS WHAT I WORK FOR.
WE BELONG OUTSIDE OF HERE.

ALL WE ARE IS HELP FOR OTHERS,
SAVE US FROM THE GAINING AND THE LOSS.
I ABIDE AND TRY TO GIVE A LITTLE,
I GIVE A LITTLE FOR THE CAUSE.

WAIT AND SEE.  THE LAW ON YOU IS A LIE.

SO I WON’T LET YOU HURT THE IDEA.
WE LIVE EMPTY.

PRAY IF ALL YOUR CELLS ARE SCREAMING OUT:
YOU AND ME, BABY, DEVOUT.
LET GO ALL YOUR REASONS, CMON!
GIVE A LITTLE FOR THE CAUSE.

 

all things considered

Counts up the debts that the house has incurred,
How’d I end up so mixed up in this stuff?
Takes down and puts back the same as before,
Some days are like that.  Some days are like that.
But thank God the news and the show have endured,
How’d the air get so filled up with this stuff?
I’ve mixed the business with sugar.

Oh, I can’t connect, but even if I could…
Not yet, not till all these hills roll.
This town soon will and you’ll hear us:
That I’m totally with you but not just for love.

Counts down the rest home, the rec hall, the church.
That could burn up.  Some days are like that.
I’ve mixed the business with sugar.

(Life sounds familiar.  Yes.  Right.)

 

it's all true

Things I thought were unimportant
End me slowly, like you told me.
Inward, outward, what’s the difference,
What we think or how we do things?

Someone says it’s all true.
Love, we try it every other way.

Things you told me not to turns out
Weren’t all worthless—see, I’m still here.
Sure you tax, you heap, you keep me,
But who do you hold on to?
And, oh, my head, my soul got in the way.

You say I’m restless. 
I wrote that book after all.
But at least I’m blessed with
My world’s that book after all.

Things I thought were unimportant
End me slowly, but everything’s just fine,
Just like it’s true.

 

one hundred

What a way to survive these rants,
What a weird state of mind I’m in.
You think of all of the time we’ve spent,
You figure all of the lines

I haven’t written yet, I skipped them over
On the way here and I’m on a detour.
I say that and the city says nothing back.

What a way to decide which hand,
You pick a left or a right and make plans.
We live a lot in our past mistakes
We live a lot to create what we’ve lived

Since, we’ve since created
An imitation of a life I hated.
I faked it then.  I want you to fake it back.

I’m one, but I feel like no one.
I’m made up of what I forgot.
One hundred parts, I’m much more a collage.

What a way to survive this life,
What a weird state of mind I’m in.
You think of all of the time we’ve spent,
You think of all of those lies

I haven’t told you yet, one hundred years
Of us imitating what we think we’re made of.
I faked it then, I want you to fake it back.

 

love take hold

Where did you go, little sister?
And what did you do with the sun?
Cuz all of a sudden
I only see good things in dreams.

I once knew a girl who seemed careless and hard,
With sleeves on her arms when she took her shirt off,
And a heart just beneath.
Out of place, but not buried deep.

She said, What do you mean things can be out of place?
Maybe things go where they go, naturally?
She was naturally brave.
And I’m finally unafraid to say,

Oh, love.  Oh, love take hold,
Oh, love, take hold of us and never let go.

Lately it feels like I’m everyone’s friend,
But what happens when the warm season ends
And I hide in my coat.
If I don’t feel I’m changing what then?

 

molloy

He wandered off the city lot,
An open space, a section off.
I think I’ll walk or try to ride,
I think I’ll find what I forgot.
So I lie down between the poles,
North and South, young and old.
The people aren’t, their secrets were,
The names got told, I’m sure.

So I’m on the rocks of the canal,
A row of teeth across a mouth.
I thought I knew what these were for,
I think I drove the panic out.
So I lose touch like I always have.
But there were days I swear I had
The answer, I’m sure.

You know we all, we all burn out.
In a message, a message, a message,
A message of dirt.
But what we all, we all find out
Is about each other. 
It’s about each other.

 

in the beginning

In the beginning was the word You Faggot.
I’ll trade the bitch for slave.
I lost the name we are.           
I am creative, all of us are.
Using what strength created,
We make the language work.
It eases.  And it’s easy
When you don’t have to explain yourself.
Cut deep, I’m scared to purge.

All the poses I imagined made a magazine
Are really just the manifests of some deluded fantasy.
Really when you look at what you’re saying
Are you looking for a bunch of us to jump
Onto some fucked judicial bandwagon?
I hear the words that go unsaid:
You.  Powerhungry.  Bastards.
I know.  I know.  I know.

The words that go unsaid. 
I’m waiting for.  I’m waiting for.  I’m waiting for
What I know, what I do.
What I know is what I do.
I know what I do.
I know what I do.

 

sermon

I was only tryin to have fun,
But it’s too late for that. 
It’s too bad.
Your god goes straight for the throat,
There’s no messing around.
We don’t know how.

First feel how good the praise feels—
I got mine.
Tie up your cuffs and break bread,
I got your sermon on the sports network.

I was only tryin to reach out,
Cuz I’m a sensitive guy
Who’s gonna turn you around.
Isn’t it great to feel nothing unique?
You’re just a little of this, and a little of that,
And—put that down!

First feel how good the praise feels—
I got mine.
Tie up your cuffs and break bread,
I got your sermon on the sports network.

Who are you to quit routine
And block the door
And prove that you know better?

 

roses

After this your life is roses.
Your neighbors in their perfect health.
No one looking for another.
No one less or more confused.

Take me there now. 
Put me where I’ll find it.

But for now it’s trial and error.
Better this than nothing at all.
Your family in their perfect health.
No one less or more confused.

Take me there now.
Put me where I’ll find it.

 

i love you

I fill myself with medicine, piece together peace
and then fill myself with second guess.  What if
I’m no good at this?  Some fix I never knew you
on, some pure release you breathed… if churches
all blessed heroin and Jesus were received. 
Remove yourself, don’t think yourself, don’t blame
yourself, think of something else.  I love you,
I love you, I love you, I do.

 

the standard

You want a love song filled with Please Don’t Think,
I’ve got a shrinking heart of gold.
But I got a growing love for you.
Now there’s a bar graph charting all the talks that we had,
The tall bars we agree.
And fortunately there’s a few.
But if the standard’s our agreement
We may never find the truth.

No matter what you try
I’ll be on your side.
You wanna start again?
Yeah, well we all do.
That’s what you should do.
And if I knew the cause,
I would help you out
I know you’re afraid.
But you shouldn’t be.

Just like a drive where all the buildings we pass
Are just as old as you.
They grow where there were trees.
Maybe you’re building your religion on the wrong thing.
Maybe you tried what’s underneath.
And maybe the words got into you.
But if the standard’s our agreement
We may never find the truth.

 

run

We’ll pave this place till we feel good,
And we’ll say we’re good till we feel God,
And we’ll shout our faith till we have some,

But still it seems we fight our insides.
So I try to get back to that place where it all began.

We said we weren’t afraid of change
But we refused the risk,
Still we feel good.
And we heard the words of smarter friends,
I wish we understood,
Still we feel good.
And we turned into the pictures
Of our parents and our relatives,
Still we feel good.

Still it seems we fight our insides.
And I try to give back,
But the world has convinced me I can’t
Get back to where I began—
Still we feel good.
We turned the world behind us
With the rest of all mankind,
Still we feel good.

And we’ll run, run, run
Till we feel good.
We’ll pay our debts till we feel good,
Sell our souls till we feel good,
Vote our state till we feel good,
Wave our flag till we feel good,
And we’ll run, run, run

Till we feel good.